I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
