Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
