Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
