I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
