marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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