I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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