Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
