so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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