Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
