Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
should my penis look like a turkey
Someone shattered a urinal.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
