i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
