How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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