never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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