Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
