I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
