I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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