she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
