it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i love accidental penises.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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