captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
