whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
