The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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