nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
