i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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