Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
