i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
