on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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