one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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