Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
