I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
