Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
