How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
someone owes me an orgasm
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
