I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
