Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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