As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
