If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Houston, we have a blender
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
