Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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