Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
