i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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