He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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