My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
