Screwed.edu
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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