so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
