its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
