im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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