foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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