Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
