i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
