if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
