I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
