Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
