He kissed a someone with a penis
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
