I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
